Words By Megan Jane
I’ll admit I’m an over thinker, I have that monkey mind that’s constantly stirring all day and all night. I should mention the response I received from Adam the first time I read this blog out to him. As soon as the words came out of my mouth “I’ll admit I’m an over thinker” he bursts out laughing. He says “I think that’s a bit of an understatement”. He’s probably right, I have small (I’m in denial right now) tendency to over think and worry about things that may or may not have happened.
But, let’s get back on track.
As I’ve progressed further and further into my pregnancy, experiencing all the highs and lows that go with it. It’s had me thinking about the idea of becoming a mum. It’s such as small word, but comes with one big responsibility. A baby for hopefully as long as you live.
It wasn’t really something I’d even contemplated, I’m going to a MUM. You just have this teeny tiny bundle of joy who is then thrusted into your anxiously waiting arms. After the let’s not forget LABOUR (no one can prepare you for that) and you just become a mum right? Simplistic speaking yes, that’s exactly what happens. BUT that’s only the beginning of the journey.
“I’ve been pondering this idea of becoming a MUM. The idea that I’m growing an actual human to become an independent, well-adjusted member of society (attempting to anyway) someone just like you or I. A real person who is going to call me MUM”
Of course the idea of becoming a mum always felt natural and something I’d always wanted to experience in my life. For me I instinctively knew it would happen one day when the time was right.
Now that I’m pregnant and I can feel her moving around, and the bond between her and I becomes stronger every day, I’ve been pondering this idea of becoming a MUM. The idea that I’m growing an actual human to become an independent, well-adjusted member of society (attempting to anyway) someone just like you or I. A real person who is going to call me MUM. I’m that child’s mother for the rest of their life. I’m that person who they’re going to depend on, learn from and grow from.
It’s been such a strange realisation, I think sometimes when we’re are pregnant we become so wrapped up in babies, babies, babies that sometimes and perhaps not always we forget that we’re actually making a real person, who is going to grow up just like you and I and learn to ride a bike, drive a car, pay bills, buy a house, travel to faraway places and perhaps start their own family one day.
Now when you think about it like that, that’s a huge responsibility and something that I hadn’t really given a second thought. There certainly isn’t a 5-year minimum experience required before you get the job role of a mum. We can’t study for it, we can read all the books in the world, which I truly believe helps prepare us and give us more tools to pull from in times when where tearing our hair out and our baby won’t sleep or feed properly.
There certainly isn’t a manual when it comes to raising children.
What I’ve come to realise is all you can do is your best and hope that in some miraculous way, between all triumphs and the oops maybe we shouldn’t have done that, we get it right? All we can do is our best isn’t it? I trust that we will raise our children the best way we know how, that doesn’t mean one way is better than another, as long as we feel we are doing the best for our child based on best way we know how at given moment, then that’s all you can ask for right?
Raising a child isn’t clear cut, it’s not “well my baby isn’t feeding properly so we’ll need to do X, Y & Z it could be we need to A, K, R”.
All babies are so incredibly unique and different from one another that our approach to how we nurture and raise them should be just that unique and different. We can certainly learn from others who’ve been there and done that, but the key is to not feel like a failure when something that has worked for your friend’s baby doesn’t work for your baby.
Just as raising as a child should be unique, different and individualised so should how you choose to define yourself within the role of a mother.
We’re all unique beings so why should the way you decide to be a mother be any different? We women are our own worst enemies, we are so quick to judge and criticise anyone who doesn’t fit the mould or align with what we believe as mothers we should and shouldn’t do. When in actual fact it should be the complete opposite, we should be in each other’s corner learning and growing from each other.
When we shut ourselves off from viewpoints that don’t align with ours we cease to grow as a person, becoming narrow minded and ridged in our views. In doing so we miss an incredible learning opportunity, that is the chance to have a wonderful open and honest conversation with another person, the chance to see the world from a different perspective. That doesn’t mean you take a 360 degree turn and change your whole outlook on life but regardless of other people’s view points, we can all learn something from someone else.
What I’m beginning to realise is that being a mother can mean so many different things to so many different people, neither one is right or wrong so let’s celebrate and embrace our differences.